Originally published in Forbes Coaches Council
August 26, 2024
Read on Forbes
“We keep pretending there is a silver bullet when we all know there’s not.” Lauren sighed as we finished commiserating over the ridiculous behaviors we had endured throughout our careers. This is now a bonding opportunity for former executives, a.k.a. “corporate escapees,” to make connections and network.
“You know, despite it all, I still refuse to believe we can’t change the status quo, and I’ll tell you why. I’ve made it happen. I think I know the secret sauce. I think we just need a few more people aligned and on board.” Here I go: passionately optimistic. I’ll fight through my tears about why this is important to me.
Fundamentally, I believe that humans want to contribute in a positive way. We are reasonably well-intentioned, and I assume that we are usually trying our best when we show up to work. Yet, according to data from INTOO and Workplace Intelligence, "44% of employees have used vacation/personal leave to avoid their toxic work environment."
What does that say about who we are?
I continue to seek answers:
- Leadership is responsible for many things; however, when does the workforce step in and help with the climate?
- Can good people become toxic leaders, and if so, why does that happen?
- Can we misinterpret toxicity?
- Does resentment breed resentment?
- Are our problems in the unspoken?
As a rising leader early in my career, someone who heavily relied on logic, I would attend meetings seeking alignment around project goals. Immediately, I would pick up on clear misunderstandings, gaps or downright contradictions that weren’t being acknowledged. It confused me terribly. I would speak up and say, “X does not equal Y!” and everyone would gasp because they had just agreed that, in fact, X did equal Y.
I was the troublemaker. I caused tension. I bucked all the head nodding.
Alignment seekers force communication that breaks the status quo.
I didn’t understand why others weren’t speaking up. I found that most people were head-nodding because they didn’t want to deal with speaking up “against” the decision-maker or the most influential person in the room.
In reality, they would all convene afterward, build a case and derail things, or go along with it and let things fall apart with a smug "I knew it" mentality.
Then there were the people who head-nodded because they were simply so checked out they didn’t care and were riding on the fact that they earned their seat by popularity contest—again, not earning my respect. Lastly, there were a few people who didn’t understand or were just too scared to speak up (rightfully so).
I certainly never won an award for being the person who was willing to speak up when faced with these challenging, quite toxic situations.
So what is being bold? What is being fearless as a leader?
We come together. We do this as one. We talk about it openly. We understand that we have hidden communication styles that show up with the unsaid. We make growing together, boldly, the new status quo.
4 Ways to Start Shifting the Status Quo:
1. Establish norms.
Align around expectations. Discuss governance, decision criteria, and team charters.
2. Build a conscious culture.
Use retrospectives. Be intentional about the relationships you create.
3. Lead with conviction.
Be the first to challenge norms. Model disagreement and invite participation.
4. Break the silence.
Speak up for others. Call out mistreatment. Disrupt toxic cycles.
For leaders who feel frustrated with their teams or confused by disconnection — this is your path forward.
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