“Do you know your fractions?”
“I’m…not… sure,” I said with shame.
The neighbor kid laughed at me. I probably understood basic algebra at the time. We were ‘doing’ fractions years ago in class. I rarely missed school. How was I excluded when they assigned fractions out to everyone? Why did everyone else have ‘their’ fractions? They must have owned something that I didn’t. I was missing out.
I was different. They were all clued into something bigger. Meanwhile, I understood not only math but also language on a deeper level. I was literal and purposeful, so that possessive pronoun ‘your’ really threw me off. I learned Hungarian and English at the same time growing up. Translations began so early in life.
Children of immigrant parents think and interpret concepts in different ways. The cultures we are raised in, our relationships with family, the world around us, and who we are can greatly conflict with what we see in society. My problem? I looked like everyone else. So, I felt hidden and in disguise. I felt society's pressure to pretend I was something I wasn’t a nine-year-old imposter.
As a child of the ’80s, I was never taught to honor my strengths as a curious person about human connection, self-growth, and impact. My father was an engineer, and I felt there was only one obvious choice for college: an engineering degree from one of the best, Georgia Tech. I made him proud, and that meant a lot to me. I always sought to bond with people more than the materials I chose to study. Again, feeling like a fraud.
I continued to lean on my father’s mentorship; he was a hard-working IBM Dad, extremely loyal to their code of conduct, and a dedicated problem-solver. I had the analytical skills of an engineer but the passion of a justice warrior for doing what made sense and standing up for the people who maybe felt like I had - no real sense of belonging. Eventually, I became a young woman in the tech industry, pointing out how to improve things. I was direct in how I showed up in business, assuming results mattered most. I didn’t know that seeing things clearly would be an affront to others.
I knew I could make a difference, so I felt compelled to act and often speak up. What I didn’t expect was the backlash that I would face. Internal politics made no logical sense to me. Disconnects caused adversity throughout my life. In a world where we are all so different in sending, receiving, and processing information, we are bound to have a wide spectrum of preferences, styles, and speeds. I used to think, “If I stay true to my heart, someday I’ll be recognized for my intent and contribution.”
Life doesn’t work out the way you expect it. My relationship with language and interpreting information became challenging as I navigated life. Just like with people. Sometimes, I allowed it to become a roadblock. Roadblocks: I’d visualize one every time that word got used.
“Can you remove roadblocks?” Hearing that question made me freeze.
My knee-jerk response was to think, “No way! It’s a gigantic cement barricade. Give me a problem, and I can solve it.” Also, I was thinking, “What if you are the roadblock?” I took on almost any challenge with perseverance. Most often, I sniffed out the deeper problems.
I started asking smart enough questions so that we would hit our goals. I strategized how to expose the root cause of real issues. It caused discomfort and alienated me, but my purpose remained steadfast, so I couldn’t reconcile this. I felt so at odds with myself. Who I was did not feel embraced or celebrated. I thought that was wrong, and I couldn’t stop myself.
I had many significant setbacks. I tried to learn, grow, and evolve, but ultimately, I knew I was stuck with who I was at the core. The problem was, I loved her. I still do. I am okay with her. It seemed like everyone else was not. No leader stood up to take me under their wing. I felt alone, abandoned, and abused.
So many people fall through the cracks. Those seen as strong are often treated like they don’t need support. Our society can be performative; beyond tokenization, people often ostracize those who don’t fit a certain mold. I’ve sat in that not-so-sweet spot my whole life. I thought, “I will never fit in. I will never belong.” I felt abandoned by the people I was bringing in the results for. I was taught to keep learning and trying different things. So, I did. It still wasn’t working.
As a project manager, I coach others to bring visions to reality. I had the urge to protect others from how I never felt protected except by my mom. She has people’s backs. I was trying to do the same. When I had the foresight to see problems arise, I would speak up pre-emptively, “Let me save you from this headache, time, or pain!”. My favorite gift is handing others my content and lessons packaged as if on a silver platter so they don’t have to suffer.
It frustrated me when I noticed that not everyone felt compelled to do the same. Everyone could use some help when they are in a mess. Everyone could use support. I recognized the need for people to nurture each other as part of the formula for success.
Remarkable things happen when you have intention, focus, discipline, and a responsible framework. It sounds so simple and obvious, but here’s potentially a new angle. You must be willing to be unconventionally curious. In that way, you expand your ability to see previously hidden opportunities. When we’re shut out, often, we also shut down.
Accept and love yourself because although it may feel scary and different, I’ll tell you why it’s the best ride ever. You’ll feel like a jaguar cutting through the jungle to find prey. You'll discover a life of abundance by being the trailblazer you were meant to be. Although you may struggle, you’ll realize you were meant for a different path.
Your new lens will be what makes you special. You offer a fresh perspective that nobody gets to take away from you. There’s not one person, no automation, nothing that can take away the experiences that only you’ve lived, with the information you’ve processed, with your mind. You can tap into this if you haven’t already begun.
When trying to reach big dreams, it usually requires a lot of support to make it happen. Think CEOs, entrepreneurs, community leaders, pretty much anyone! We need others to get stuff done. You are a pioneer in your journey. At the same time, it’s possible to support others in theirs. We don’t have to be Givers or Takers. We can create balance.
I also believe you won't accomplish much if your team looks, acts, and thinks exactly like you do. Creativity doesn’t come from that. Do you seek innovation or validation?
When a diverse group is excited about a vision or goal, working under the same value system and honoring it, they are more likely to be creative and supportive, uplifting each other through collective inspiration. For example, this anthology is a team effort; we all created energy through it. We are already a success just for the experience. Beautiful bonds were built.
My strength in adversity comes from a childhood of being different and seeking others who could relate to that feeling. Through that, I developed a keen eye for seeking the unique value of each person. Imagine my surprise that others don’t have that inclination, and we all continue to suffer because of it. It ignited me to coach others to discover and hone this skill.
If we all felt seen, valued, and accepted for exactly who we are, think about the possibilities that may have come to fruition. Human instinct is to do what keeps us safe. Blending in is often the default when you’ve been raised to value similarities. Many people still look to see what everyone else is doing first. I’m sure I do it too. Being part of a tribe makes us feel connected and protected. However, it can limit us if the tribe is not a system of true acceptance.
My ability to seek my tribe through curiosity and form a unique cast of characters has given me strength. My passion is to let others know it's okay to be the disruption they are or long to be. Through that, you may find you have many tribes to meet your different goals. We see this happening in business today. Project teams are like mini tribes. Please, just don’t forget the law of reciprocity. It exists for a reason. We must take care of each other.
The most beautiful place is to wander naturally, like a child free to flow with imagination. You are free to roam when putting together the pieces of your life puzzle. Gathering your tribes! Don’t allow anyone to make you feel stuck. I’ll go to places where I can let people hang out with their fractions, hop right over those heavy cement barricades, and align my goals with those who want to thrive in the grey zone. When you set yourself free, you are.
The world is full of incredible people and opportunities! You are never stuck if you don’t want to be. All you must do is use your mind to imagine the life you want, be curious enough to chase it down, and put the right people in your path. Together, you will be compelled to celebrate yourself, take steps forward, and no longer see your differences as adversity; rather as your superpower of healthy checks and balances, breaking up monotony, learning to empathize, and adapting. You’ll change unproductive behaviors and supercharge the spirit of other trailblazers.
As a project manager, I’ve navigated through adversity by adhering to my purpose-driven path, which I crafted uniquely. It’s been a journey of self-exploration like no other. Both personally and professionally, I am Kinga. I know who I am.
Ground yourself in who you are, stay curious and open-minded, open your heart, be kind, and demand no less from the people around you. Together, we can forge ahead, leveraging our collective strengths and experiences. It’s in the power of community, seeking opportunities, and creating systems of acceptance that we can overcome any challenge and achieve anything.
This chapter was originally published by Beyond Boundaries Press in collaboration with other global thought leaders. All rights retained by the authors.